Good news, bad news time.
Bad news first, generally my preference is to temper the bad with the good, is that despite the fact we've got a bit of cool change to counter all the heat over new years, things seem to be getting hotter here. While she has been bumped from prime time by another level crossing rail crash, there is talk that the army will be called in for suggestions for the taskforce. Seems her bullet proof green skin has got them thinking about "options to subdue the creature". Add into the mix talk of bounty hunters, even Australia Zoo, speaking to the media about tracking her, and its all becoming a literal circus and more fear inducing by the minute.
To hear some people talk about her as if she's a monster, almost a wild animal to be killed or captured scares me, if only because I share a body with this creature. Well... I also wonder if I'm acting like an apologist for her, that if I wasn't seeing things through her eyes that I'd be screaming for her to be put down like an animal too.
I've made a couple of attempts since New Years to try and induce the change, by playing with myself, but getting angry I can't do it, by pleading, but nothing happens. If she really was trapped like I supposed, wouldn't she want out, or does she only want out on her terms? Or is she intentionally preventing the change because she knows that while I keep telling myself its because I want to prevent changes in public, she suspects I'm seeking to regain that powerful form for more base motives?
Enough pop psychology, the good news is that her little rampage prompted Doc to get in contact with me. He's very concerned, but at least understands what I'm going through. It seems he can't control the creature any better than I can control her, and fled because his problem isn't rational, while least she can talk and reason (sorta).
While he's talking with me, he's not coming back any time soon. Doc won't give me all the details, but seems that even if he hasn't gone "public" like I have, he's being chased by something or someone worse than me. I didn't press, but I am a little disappointed. I guess I thought that now we had... something in common, we might get to know each other better, but all he's promised me is that he'll cure or refine our shared conditions.
Now all I have to do is keep my head down and stay in control until he does. Why do I think that's a vain hope?
Sample598NA1022 AI Morph
1 year ago
Well, I wish you could have induced at least one change on your own terms rather than hers, but it seems that either it doesn't work that way, or like you say, she only wants out on her terms. This makes it seem that she, indeed, does have more control over the transformation that you do when we think back to the "episode" in the market. At the time we thought that maybe you had stopped her from coming out, but now it looks more like she could have been having a little cruel fun by just threatening to come out and making you work hard and keeping her bottled up. It might be worth it to keep trying to make yourself change, just to see if it will ever work.
ReplyDeleteI guess we can't blame Doc for keeping his distance. If the paper suddenly sees *two* green-skinned people, male and female, in the same place, the panic could really kick in. Also he could be protecting you from whatever it is that is hunting him. I know you feel upset that he won't be coming back any time soon, but maybe that's for the best while neither of you can control the others inside of you.
Please don't give up hope. It may feel like she is trying to control your life, but you have to keep on living and just do the best you can. Please don't beat yourself up if you slip and she gets out again - if it happens, deal with it then and don't live in fear of the future.