Friday, December 31, 2010

Another New Years

I won't say Happy New Years because... I haven't had one in three years, not since I drank that damned formula.

2008/2009 I tried to have a normal...what was my normal New Years by going to South Bank to see the fireworks, drink and have fun, and well... you can read what happened in the archives of this blog :/

2009/2010 I opted to try and exclude myself from anything I thought might set me/her off, renting a small cabin in the Glasshouse Mountains. Beautiful scenery, total quiet. Went to bed... and woke up next day back in Brisbane in a bed with two guys. Taxi ride back to pick up my car/stuff was insanely expensive :(

This time - 2010/2011 - I was convinced to go to a quiet party at a riverside apartment with some girlfriends, nothing super fancy and they claimed they understood that I had a "prior date and might have to leave on a moments notice" to cover any green-ness. But it wasn't a quiet party at all, it was almost a hens party save we wore little hats saying "Happy New Year". Everybody got very drunk very fast, except me, desperately nursing drinks and trying to maintain myself. I tried to flee but they wouldn't let me, everything was spiraling out of control and I could feel her nibbling at the edges, feeling her smugness, knowing that was about to fall apart at any second.

And then my top starts to get beyond tight, bra is digging in in all the wrong places, skirt sliding up my legs, panties are sliding into my butt, I'm downing my still half full glass in an instant while reaching for a whole bottle to follow, She's giggling like a loon while I'm desperately hoping my friends are already drunk enough to cover what will happen. I'm stumbling about, partly from how much Crusiers I've had, partly the fact my muscles are pulsing and twitching as the grow and change. I practically fall onto a friend, locking lips with her, returning the favor much too fast, people cheering as we start to make out.

Then this morning, and I'm me. In a bed. With her.

I have experimented with such things back in my uni days so not total horror at that. But normally I'd flee as fast as humanly possible, but knowing her personally kind of makes that hard to make a clean getaway. So instead its a more measured pondering on my drunken recolections from last night on who might have seen me. Assuming nobody else came in, and none of my friends are lying, drink lowered my repressed defenses and the wild child within escaped but no color change or massive physiological changes.

That said, I probably won't be sleeping well tonight -_-

Monday, July 19, 2010

Any point going on?

Am I me?

Perhaps a strange question to ask, but I increasingly wonder. I know people change over time, nobody ever stays static (unless their dead) but I have a hard time even relating to who I was only two years ago. Admittedly having a whole other you running around tends to do that, but sometimes I just feel like I've been running around picking up and cleaning up her messes that feel like I'm ceasing to be a person. That at most I'm a shadow of her, trailing along and not actually of substance.

Of course that leads me to wonder if instead of my belief that She's me with all the safety switches turned off, that infact She's the real Katherine and I'm just a pathetic watered version of her.