Getting ready to go spend a day with my family and have lunch with my Mum on this Mother's Day, preparing to get ready for the endless debate and "not-nagging" of my relationship status, when I'm going to settle down, and most importantly apparently when I'll produce grandkids and become a mum myself.
Normally I try to deflect, but I'm increasingly wondering if I'll be honest and open and say probably not ever be. Its partly fear of passing on my "condition", but its also because my relationships are entirely too... crowded. Having to deal with Her, keeping all the problems She causes under wraps, tends to cause as much problems as if I had a children who demanded all my time and attention and resented the possibility of anybody pushing Her aside as centre of my attention.
But also far too many relationships I've been in have ended on the grounds of lack of trust. Problem is my condition is one of Show and Tell, its better to show it rather than say it. Saying it just labels you as either a crazy woman or joking/lying rather than being honest. But showing requires Her to be willing to either be nice. All too often She isn't, partly on the basis that She isn't a performing seal, but mostly because She'd rather save it for the worse possible time.
Sometimes that's while I'm being intimate, or in public, or its being trapped after a car crash on a deserted mountain road while I'm in the car with someone deathly afraid of Her. Generally it always results in screams, fear and people running away.
I suppose some will suggest that perhaps I should date someone who knows about Her, but that brings its own set of problems...
2 days ago