Entry for January 10, 2009

Okay, so I kinda went out on Friday night. I even wore black.

It probably went as well as most Friday nights... ie not good.

I've been quiet for the past few days after I got a response from Doc, planning how to get the items on the list he sent. He was pretty sure he'd crack our "problem" eventually with or without them, but they'd help. And ever so glad to help people. That and I guess.... I guess I had the idea that Doc would have to come back to pick the stuff up, you know?

Anyway, I spent the rest of the week planning like I'm in Oceans 11 or something. reviewing the streets nearby, where the security cameras are, best place to park, how to get the stuff out. For most part she's been quiet. I woke most morning with little clothing on, but I think that's more the both of us having bad dreams than her actually roaming about (I think/hope/assume/pray).

So after work, I pace and drink coffee until its 11pm before slowly driving backwards work, parking half a block away from the main gate. So I climb and leap over the fence, landing on my feet and sprinting towards the building undetected.

Well, that's what I believed would happen. Like I was some kind of super-spy.

Actually it takes me 10 minutes to climb the fence, I get caught and cut my sleeve and arm on the barbed wire at the top, followed by a akward flip over and a long literal fall to the ground, breaking my leg and causing me to let out an almighty yell in response. As I lay whimpering and clutching my leg, a security guard pulls up and runs over to me yelling into his walky talky.

Tears are filling my eyes as everything is going wrongwrongwrongwrong as he screams at me, who am I, what am I doing, over and over and over. I'm wailing like a baby as he's dragging me up to see who I am, shining his torch right in my face, the next thing I know she's roaring at him for blinding her and giving him a shove.

To call it a "shove" would be an understatement, the poor guy was catapulted five meters into wall, slaming into the brick with a horrorific wet thud, my right sleeve going from comfortable to tight and beyond as my muscles go from relaxed to massive, rich green skin showing through tears as the seams burst under the strain as my arm shot forward. I barely pay attention to his loud groan as I stare at my left arm, watching as green seems to ooze across my skin, as the flesh of my hand seems to jiggle and vibrate before my arm twitches, muscle leaping to attention and destroying the fabric.

The zipper on my top slides down as my breasts tingle search for increasing room as they grow larger and larger. The top button on my black slacks snaps as my hips broaden, rear growing plump and round. I/she stands, the bones in my leg violently snapped back into single whole bone, seams stretching and tearing along the inner thighs and calves. My old black hiking boots split between the upper and sole as my... her toes and feet wiggle. The black cap I was wearing "pop"s off as her hair explodes out in a black green explosion.

She/I is breathing hard as the power surges faster and faster through our body, bringing with it that impossible arousal, that terrible arogance. But just like New Years I'm still aware, like my mind is wrapped in cotton wool and I'm looking through a slightly out of focus lense, but aware. Though not in control, as I feel her magnificent body stand, clothes poping and tearing as she shifts and moves, arms flexing, hands roaming and stroking as she grins. I feel it all, but its like a first person shooting game where somebody else is playing and I'm watching, a sensation like she's probing me on where to go... what to do.

I "reach" to type in my security code into the side-door, only to have her snarl at me and rip the panel from the wall, loudly exclaiming that "they'd know who we are stupid" before walking through the door. Literally. The glass splinters into a hail as she effortlessly walks right through it like its not even there. I "point" out the security cameras as she seems to off-handly slaps them from the wall, barely even having to look up due to her increased height. I hear the hurried foot steps of the other guard around the corner, causing her snort as I "tell" her not hurt him.

So she smirks and snarls, punching diagonally through the corner and grabbing the shocked and scared guard by the throat, before pulling her arm back and slamming his head against the wall. She humors me as she puts it and checks to make sure he's alive but unconcious before we move on. In less than three minutes, she's in the lab.

It's been stripped of the computers, but Doc has back-ups of the formulas so they weren't a concern. But some of the chemical compounds are rather... exotic (I should know, I had to order some of them), some of the hardware is obscenely expensive or impossible to order through normal or even abnormal channels. That was the kind of stuff Doc expressed an interest in. She stands confused, until I mentally bring to review the list and "prompt" her on what to get.

My plan of getting one of the little red carts is ignored as she crudely packs the various chemicals, samples and small equipment into boxes, making three short trips between the lab and the fence, before effortlessly leaping over the wall and piling it into my poor little hatchback. After the fourth trip we both agree we've got everything on Doc's list that was still in the lab. And then I feel... like a vaccum inside me sucking, sapping my strength. She's triggered the reversion.

Its just like before the horrible loss of that wonderous power, except because we were both...awake(?), I felt her as the change happened... She was frantic, practically screeching, fighting, weeping like I was killing her.

A few minutes later, I'm sobbing like I've lost everything and everyone in my life, clad in something that looks like a loose top with an absurdly plunging neckline and very short shorts. I slowly pull myself together as sirens being to approach and gingerly drive away, lights off for the first two blocks. After I feel safe, I turn the lights on, hit the drive-thru at a McDonalds for two small Double Quarter Pounder meals to try and fill the incredible hole in my stomach, and go straight to bed. I practically slept all of Saturday away, but I feel mostly human now.

I guess last night has raised some questions about my "relationship" with her. The last two times, New Years and last night, it hasn't been the complete "blackout" of before, I've been there for the change, for the tremendous wonderous feelings of being her. Yet both times it was because she wanted it, either to show me what it was like (New Years) or because she needed my knowledge of work.

Has she always controlled how much I recall, or is this only a recent change? If she's always controlled it...

But the fact she kept me "awake" last night seems to indicate its as much a double edged sword for her as me, she only has access to my knowledge when I'm awake/aware. The way she pawed through my house and belongings would indicate that too, it was all somebody elses stuff to her. Though she must have some knowledge as she can talk, and walk and so on. How much is the question. Is it from a certain point? Is it a distilled or... corrupted version of what I know, like her brutish personality seems to be of me?

The fact I broke my leg and now am completely healed with no ill-effects is almost logical in comparison. This kind of thing was in the original plan, just seems that I can only access to it when I become her. Well, I don't know that, but even more wary about testing that as trying to induce the change.

I'll email Doc I've got his stuff, then I'll have some "breakfast". I'm so hungry.