Twittering away

My life just seems to be on stand-by, progress a little bit and then pause...

... and when it un-pauses I'm somewhere else, half naked with little to no memory of where I am. Or I'm at home half drunk surrounded by smashed memories and items. Or the blog entry I was writing has mysteriously transformed into window of expletives seemingly blaming me from every wrong in the world.

I'll keep trying, but thought I'd mention I'm on twitter

http://twitter.com/KatTF69

its no much, perhaps that's why she hasn't ruined for me yet...

Okay so... old posts

I've been asked what happened to my older posts, and now that I'm not getting rung by Doc every day or so I've had time to figure it out.

I'll blog about that shortly, I promise.

Don't know why I'm here

Well, okay I had pondered on this place being a replacement for my last "home", but its probably too restrictive in how much of her "adventures" I can actually post and avoid a ban.

At the moment, she... she lacks.... inhibitions is one way of putting it.

All those beautiful, calm, uneventful months with my boyfriend are gone... back to square one, and boy is she's letting me know. If I had hopes that Doc could cure our control our shared conditions, much like those hidden hopes of a relationship with him before we both drank that fateful formula, I have no such hopes now, we... we can't be in the same room without our "otherselves" wanting to jump the other...

And the fact that I'm cheating... even if its her and not me-me... is only making me feel worse.

I wish Doc has never come back :(

Entry for April 08, 2009

Oh... I.. I wish I was writing this for better reasons...

Normally... normally I've been posting here about my....uh... "change". I guess I haven't been posting because I've been busy with work and the fact she hadn't been making any appearances. Even my metabolism settled down, still hungrier than before but far cry from January. I... I guess I've been calmer, and it's because....I....uh... have a boyfriend.

I haven't had much luck with guys since.... anyway, I'm not getting younger and it just seems harder to find a good man you know. Mitch... Mitch is different. I feel comfortable around him, he makes me laugh and feel loved, and he seems to like me too. The only problem we've had is even now he's still a bit sore from when this strange, angry green eyed woman shoved him into a wall...

Yeah, Mitch... Mitch is the first security guard I encountered during my "James Bond" style break-in.

I didn't plan on a relationship with him. The first time I went there in a stupid attempt to see if he'd recognize me before she fully emerged. I needn't have bothered, at that point he was drifting between consciousness that he was barely awake. But he just lay there so helpless and I just went to pieces, guilt just weighed down on me. The nurses just assumed I was his girlfriend I guess, they never asked but assumed that my dutiful attendance could mean nothing else. So I kept visiting him after work, nobody else at work seemed to care outside sending him a bunch of flowers and a get well card.

When Mitch finally woke up about a two weeks after he'd met the wall, I had completely forgotten my original intention for visiting him, and if he recognized me from that night. He was shocked that I was there and wondered if there was some ulterior motive. It seems Mitch, despite his reasonably built form, was a bit shy too. So we just talked about stuff and kind of... well... hit it off. Is it any wonder I didn't really post, as my normal life came to the fore?

Its been so long... soooo long since... since I had the kind of life I guess I wanted. A guy I love, who loved me. A good solid relationship. No empty lonely flat, empty lonely life, thinking about what could of been, what might of being if I was just a little bit taller, a little bit bustier, a little be sexier. I guess having what I've wanted, what I'm sure I want, gave me to strength to restrain her, lock her away deep inside where I can't hear her siren call...

I haven't changed in so long that I felt... normal. No looking over my shoulder when ever a police man came near, no overriding nightmares of reflective silver, scalpes and being strapped to tables, no fear that of waking up half naked or worse, normal. An average normal life. I even only thought about and emailed Doc once a week, I didn't feel the need to cure her as I was in control.

It's different for Doc of course, his... the "Creature" is slightly more problematic than she is, almost caveman like mentally and sooo big to hear Doc tell it. So when he announced he was coming back to town to follow up on some promising research and would pay me a visit, who was I to say no? Before... before I would have died to get him back, now...

My heart skipped a beat when I read his email.... and not in a good way. I've felt... a strange unease since that I can't place and seems to be... alien to my moods. I had trouble getting to sleep tonight, fighting not to disturb Mitch as I tossed and turned until I had to get out of bed to do something, anything to clear my mind. So I decide to go to the toilet, have a sit, then wile away the hours on the net until my brain shuts off. But as I turn on the light I catch sight of a sick green glow to my skin. My eyes go wide as I realize what this means, but its gone in an instant. But that unease is still there, stronger and more distinct now, and the now stretched and loose elastic of my two week old crop top and panties reveal its more than mental.

Why now? Why now when eveything is goig so well... why... what's causing it, what's triggering it? Can I stop? Why? Why?

Ooooh gawd...gawd... gawd... I just want to be normal now ;_;

Entry for January 19, 2009

Dammit, now matter how much I sleep, no matter how much I eat, I'm constantly tired and starving. I barely get home and I'm about ready to keel over. Its only on the weekend I seem to be "catching my breath" so to speak. Is work taking that much out of me? I was hungry and tired when I was on leave, when I was changing, where now I'm just going to work and not changing (as far as I am aware, which could mean I am change, and much more often perhaps...)

At any rate, work is slowly getting back to normal after our... green skinned visitor. It was all
the bimbos could talk about, for a day. Then back to the same old, same old. I'm actually kind of glad, after the paranoia racked first day back. Walking down those hallways was disconcerting, everything felt... well... wrong... like the roof was too high and I felt very small and very open to being captured. My eyes went wide when I saw the hole diagonally through the corner, it was closer to my eye level now. Doc's lab had been trashed, far more than I recalled. The police and the MiB's were poring over it, and took my wide eyed fear to be concern that my place of employment had been broken into, not that I(kinda) was the one who did it.

That was because they knew who broke in, they had video evidence of who broken in.

After my/her big show of smashing all the cameras in the building, we forgot one. One very important one, the one in the lab. This was of course the second time I missed it, the first being one I drank the formula. Lucikly that time "fixed" it so it just replayed the same empty lab, but this time they had me... well... her dead to rights.

The delightful Jennifer (who quite happily spoke about me and Doc to strange men while I was on leave) is presently involved with one of the security guards who was off that night, but who gave her access to the video from the camera. A little cajoling from me and the other bimbos let us see it, and thankfully she didn't realize that I'm smart enough to hit "Save as" before "Open File" when she emailed it to us, for my...uh... "scrapbook"?

All the other news clips had been relatively brief and blurry, this was fairly clear and distinct. Lights were off so not perfect and no sound, but you can see pretty much everything. Admittedly if my top had let go you could see even more... Well, you get the idea. Watching her almost "chat" with some unseen voice in her head was disconcerting when it was me. The bimbos misinterupted my interest in the video when I made the mistake of hitting play again within range of them. I turned bright red when Jennifer joked to the other girls in the office that I secretly wished I looked like that, though not for the reasons she assumed caused me to blush and eyes to go wide with fear.

Moving on from that... Doc has responded to my emails and knows I've got his stuff. He's... "busy" as he puts it, trying to avoid those tracking him, but assures me that he will come back to see me eventually. I'm... a little disappointed by that, I'll admit. Since...since I drank the formula.. I've.. been... "tenser" than normal. I was hoping that Doc would... Uh, well... I'd normally... "self-medicate", but it... do..doesn't seem to be helping break the "tension" any more than induce her to emerge.

Is...is she... holding back the change along with keeping up the "tension"? I keep getting... I guess... an impression... that I should go out on the weekend. Last weekend I was just so wrecked that I could barely do the grocery shopping, let along go out for a drink, but this weekend... I wonder if I'll be so needy that I'll throw myself at a guy... and that perhaps is what she wants...

Ah-no, no, no. Ignore that, scratch that. Don't like where that is going. Go to sleep Kat, clearly you need more sleep. Yes, sleep.

Entry for January 10, 2009

Okay, so I kinda went out on Friday night. I even wore black.

It probably went as well as most Friday nights... ie not good.

I've been quiet for the past few days after I got a response from Doc, planning how to get the items on the list he sent. He was pretty sure he'd crack our "problem" eventually with or without them, but they'd help. And ever so glad to help people. That and I guess.... I guess I had the idea that Doc would have to come back to pick the stuff up, you know?

Anyway, I spent the rest of the week planning like I'm in Oceans 11 or something. reviewing the streets nearby, where the security cameras are, best place to park, how to get the stuff out. For most part she's been quiet. I woke most morning with little clothing on, but I think that's more the both of us having bad dreams than her actually roaming about (I think/hope/assume/pray).

So after work, I pace and drink coffee until its 11pm before slowly driving backwards work, parking half a block away from the main gate. So I climb and leap over the fence, landing on my feet and sprinting towards the building undetected.

Well, that's what I believed would happen. Like I was some kind of super-spy.

Actually it takes me 10 minutes to climb the fence, I get caught and cut my sleeve and arm on the barbed wire at the top, followed by a akward flip over and a long literal fall to the ground, breaking my leg and causing me to let out an almighty yell in response. As I lay whimpering and clutching my leg, a security guard pulls up and runs over to me yelling into his walky talky.

Tears are filling my eyes as everything is going wrongwrongwrongwrong as he screams at me, who am I, what am I doing, over and over and over. I'm wailing like a baby as he's dragging me up to see who I am, shining his torch right in my face, the next thing I know she's roaring at him for blinding her and giving him a shove.

To call it a "shove" would be an understatement, the poor guy was catapulted five meters into wall, slaming into the brick with a horrorific wet thud, my right sleeve going from comfortable to tight and beyond as my muscles go from relaxed to massive, rich green skin showing through tears as the seams burst under the strain as my arm shot forward. I barely pay attention to his loud groan as I stare at my left arm, watching as green seems to ooze across my skin, as the flesh of my hand seems to jiggle and vibrate before my arm twitches, muscle leaping to attention and destroying the fabric.

The zipper on my top slides down as my breasts tingle search for increasing room as they grow larger and larger. The top button on my black slacks snaps as my hips broaden, rear growing plump and round. I/she stands, the bones in my leg violently snapped back into single whole bone, seams stretching and tearing along the inner thighs and calves. My old black hiking boots split between the upper and sole as my... her toes and feet wiggle. The black cap I was wearing "pop"s off as her hair explodes out in a black green explosion.

She/I is breathing hard as the power surges faster and faster through our body, bringing with it that impossible arousal, that terrible arogance. But just like New Years I'm still aware, like my mind is wrapped in cotton wool and I'm looking through a slightly out of focus lense, but aware. Though not in control, as I feel her magnificent body stand, clothes poping and tearing as she shifts and moves, arms flexing, hands roaming and stroking as she grins. I feel it all, but its like a first person shooting game where somebody else is playing and I'm watching, a sensation like she's probing me on where to go... what to do.

I "reach" to type in my security code into the side-door, only to have her snarl at me and rip the panel from the wall, loudly exclaiming that "they'd know who we are stupid" before walking through the door. Literally. The glass splinters into a hail as she effortlessly walks right through it like its not even there. I "point" out the security cameras as she seems to off-handly slaps them from the wall, barely even having to look up due to her increased height. I hear the hurried foot steps of the other guard around the corner, causing her snort as I "tell" her not hurt him.

So she smirks and snarls, punching diagonally through the corner and grabbing the shocked and scared guard by the throat, before pulling her arm back and slamming his head against the wall. She humors me as she puts it and checks to make sure he's alive but unconcious before we move on. In less than three minutes, she's in the lab.

It's been stripped of the computers, but Doc has back-ups of the formulas so they weren't a concern. But some of the chemical compounds are rather... exotic (I should know, I had to order some of them), some of the hardware is obscenely expensive or impossible to order through normal or even abnormal channels. That was the kind of stuff Doc expressed an interest in. She stands confused, until I mentally bring to review the list and "prompt" her on what to get.

My plan of getting one of the little red carts is ignored as she crudely packs the various chemicals, samples and small equipment into boxes, making three short trips between the lab and the fence, before effortlessly leaping over the wall and piling it into my poor little hatchback. After the fourth trip we both agree we've got everything on Doc's list that was still in the lab. And then I feel... like a vaccum inside me sucking, sapping my strength. She's triggered the reversion.

Its just like before the horrible loss of that wonderous power, except because we were both...awake(?), I felt her as the change happened... She was frantic, practically screeching, fighting, weeping like I was killing her.

A few minutes later, I'm sobbing like I've lost everything and everyone in my life, clad in something that looks like a loose top with an absurdly plunging neckline and very short shorts. I slowly pull myself together as sirens being to approach and gingerly drive away, lights off for the first two blocks. After I feel safe, I turn the lights on, hit the drive-thru at a McDonalds for two small Double Quarter Pounder meals to try and fill the incredible hole in my stomach, and go straight to bed. I practically slept all of Saturday away, but I feel mostly human now.

I guess last night has raised some questions about my "relationship" with her. The last two times, New Years and last night, it hasn't been the complete "blackout" of before, I've been there for the change, for the tremendous wonderous feelings of being her. Yet both times it was because she wanted it, either to show me what it was like (New Years) or because she needed my knowledge of work.

Has she always controlled how much I recall, or is this only a recent change? If she's always controlled it...

But the fact she kept me "awake" last night seems to indicate its as much a double edged sword for her as me, she only has access to my knowledge when I'm awake/aware. The way she pawed through my house and belongings would indicate that too, it was all somebody elses stuff to her. Though she must have some knowledge as she can talk, and walk and so on. How much is the question. Is it from a certain point? Is it a distilled or... corrupted version of what I know, like her brutish personality seems to be of me?

The fact I broke my leg and now am completely healed with no ill-effects is almost logical in comparison. This kind of thing was in the original plan, just seems that I can only access to it when I become her. Well, I don't know that, but even more wary about testing that as trying to induce the change.

I'll email Doc I've got his stuff, then I'll have some "breakfast". I'm so hungry.

Entry for January 06, 2009

I miss being on holidays already. Miss being able to sleep in, just mess about, to not have to rush my meals, not having to wear heels all the time.

I guess there is an upside though, now that I'm back at work I'm not losing myself in endless recrimination or pondering about her, or paranoia fits about if I'm about to be discovered and strapped to shiny metal bed above biiig lights surrounded by doctors.

Instead I'm surrounded by bimbos again. I guess why I gravitated to Doc was because I didn't really click with the other office girls. Since I drank the formula I've been less tolerant in general, and since I went on leave I'm even less willing to put up with them. Of course now I don't have Doc (at work at least) to hide away with.

I would have seriously run away, if I didn't make an effort to get into the gossip line again. They apparently either don't know, or don't care about about semi-nude green skinned amazons running about and seemed much interested if I'd hooked up with Doc on the sly.

About the only that made it worthwhile is that they let slip that with Doc's disappearance, ad the police and MiBs having finished going over the lab, they're going to strip it and reassign it to somebody else. I'm unsure if there is anything Doc may want or need to help find a cure, so emailed him about it. Guess we'll see if there is anything I can do.

As for me, unsure if the days are catching up with me now that I'm properly working, but just really tired recently, head starting to hurt I.... I think I'll lie down...

Entry for January 02, 2009

Good news, bad news time.

Bad news first, generally my preference is to temper the bad with the good, is that despite the fact we've got a bit of cool change to counter all the heat over new years, things seem to be getting hotter here. While she has been bumped from prime time by another level crossing rail crash, there is talk that the army will be called in for suggestions for the taskforce. Seems her bullet proof green skin has got them thinking about "options to subdue the creature". Add into the mix talk of bounty hunters, even Australia Zoo, speaking to the media about tracking her, and its all becoming a literal circus and more fear inducing by the minute.

To hear some people talk about her as if she's a monster, almost a wild animal to be killed or captured scares me, if only because I share a body with this creature. Well... I also wonder if I'm acting like an apologist for her, that if I wasn't seeing things through her eyes that I'd be screaming for her to be put down like an animal too.

I've made a couple of attempts since New Years to try and induce the change, by playing with myself, but getting angry I can't do it, by pleading, but nothing happens. If she really was trapped like I supposed, wouldn't she want out, or does she only want out on her terms? Or is she intentionally preventing the change because she knows that while I keep telling myself its because I want to prevent changes in public, she suspects I'm seeking to regain that powerful form for more base motives?

Enough pop psychology, the good news is that her little rampage prompted Doc to get in contact with me. He's very concerned, but at least understands what I'm going through. It seems he can't control the creature any better than I can control her, and fled because his problem isn't rational, while least she can talk and reason (sorta).

While he's talking with me, he's not coming back any time soon. Doc won't give me all the details, but seems that even if he hasn't gone "public" like I have, he's being chased by something or someone worse than me. I didn't press, but I am a little disappointed. I guess I thought that now we had... something in common, we might get to know each other better, but all he's promised me is that he'll cure or refine our shared conditions.

Now all I have to do is keep my head down and stay in control until he does. Why do I think that's a vain hope?